


Leave It All to Chance

by a_scholar



Series: Leave It All to Chance [1]
Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), Sauli Koskinen RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Fluff and Humor, M/M, Musicals, Smut, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates, Theatre
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-25
Updated: 2018-04-30
Packaged: 2019-04-27 20:39:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 15,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14433633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/a_scholar/pseuds/a_scholar
Summary: On a new production of Jesus Christ Superstar, Sauli gets hired to be Adam's dresser.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted some light AU fun.

”Have you met the cast yet?”

Sauli is questioned by his new boss, Karen, who's the costume attendant on this Broadway production.

”Yes, just now. They were all in the green room, waiting for the start.”

”Good. Did you introduce yourself to Adam?” she asks while attaching tags on hangars, giving each costume a number in the order of appearance.

”I did.”

He had indeed introduced himself to Adam Lambert, saying he would be Adam's dresser. Upon hearing it, Adam had definitely shared a look with another cast member, Alisan who plays Mary Magdalene. As Sauli had been walking away he'd even heard Adam's voice say 'really?' Otherwise Adam had seemed very friendly, asking where Sauli was from, but there hadn't been a chance for any more small talk.

”Adam is very meticulous about his costumes, you know. I've never worked with an actor who's been as involved with the design progress as Adam. He'll never tell you himself, but I think 90% of Judas' costumes are his design. So, you'll need to take extra good care of his costumes.”

He promises he will.

”And did any of them seem like they could be your soulmate?” Karen asks, giving him a mischievous look.

Sauli laughs, because he's been expecting this question. Another cast dresser has told him of Karen's obsession about people finding their soulmates.

”Uh, I don't know.”

It's not like he had seen everyone's hands.

”Well, I know it can't be Adam, because his soulmate is dead. Poor guy. I think most of the other main cast has been united with their soulmate, with the exception of Alisan, who sounds like she's going nuts with the search. Obviously she's not yours, though. I'm sure you saw her soulmark right in the middle of her cheek.”

He had, a small blue triangle-like shape.

”Among the supporting cast there are plenty of people still seeking. Is your soulmate's gender important to you?”

Asking about someone's soulmate status is normal enough, but this kind of questioning between people who don't know each other well yet could cause some people to take offense. Sauli doesn't take offense that easily, though, but it's a good thing he's been warned about Karen. Especially because he never reveals the whole truth about his soulmate situation.

”I'd like it to be a man, I think. I mean, I'm gay, and I think I'd want our relationship to be romantic. But most of my close friends are women, so I could be happy with a platonic female soulmate.”

”That sounds nice,” Karen says. ”You never know when it might happen. Isn't that exciting? Any day you could bump into them, or get pinged. You've registered, right?”

Sauli answers he is, but doesn't explain further. He's been registered to Match.com for years now, the most popular soulmate searching site. At first he'd searched the site thoroughly, but after being unable to find a match of his soulmark, he'd put a picture of his own up there. It's there now, along with millions of other people's, his one categorised under its type of 'textual soulmark' and the location 'hand'. It's even searchable by the actual word the soulmark forms. But he's never been pinged by anyone, alerted by the site that someone—supposedly his soulmate unless it was an impostor—would want to contact him to chat and compare soulmarks.

A part of him is relieved about that, because if his soulmate ever found him and wanted to compare marks, there would be nothing on Sauli's skin to show to his soulmate. Not anymore. An accident when he was eleven had broken a couple of bones and destroyed areas of skin on his hands and left arm. The soulmark was gone, nothing could be done about it. He'd cried bitterly, understanding the loss even at that young age, when a relationship was not the first thing on his mind. He'd never receive the joy of seeing his and his soulmate's marks side by side.

Skin transplants from his groin and thigh had been used to repair some of the damage, and everything had healed up nicely. You could hardly see anything on his hands, only faint scars on his palms if you knew what to look for. The scars on his arm had been more visible, but not after he'd tattooed the skin.

So the picture on the site is an old one. His soulmate would have to trust that Sauli is telling the truth, and not trying to deceive them in any way.

It could be even more difficult if he ever just bumped into his soulmate out of the blue. Spotting a person with his soulmark—what used to be his soulmark, and trying to explain to them that Sauli is their soulmate? Even though there's nothing on his skin to prove it? Surely that would go _really well_.

”Well, even if you don't find your soulmate here, you could have a nice little romance. Theatre people couple up with other theatre people all the damn time.”

A romance could be nice, long or short. Who knows, it might take years before he finds his soulmate, if he ever does. And besides, finding your soulmate doesn't necessarily equal a successful romantic relationship, so plenty of people seek romantic fulfilment from elsewhere.

”All done,” Karen says. ”You can take these to Adam now. They're starting pretty soon.”

Sauli pushes a movable clothes rack full of Adam's costumes along the backstage corridors, a folder full of papers tucked under his arm. He will need to learn the order of the musical numbers, the exact times when Adam will be needed on stage, and to keep track of every piece of Adam's costumes and their condition.

He knocks on the door with 'Adam Lambert' written on it.

”Come in.”

Adam is sitting in front of the makeup table, doing his eyes.

It's as if Sauli has forgotten how beautiful Adam is during the brief time he's been hanging out in the costume shop with Karen.

Adam's hair is brown, quite short on the sides but longer on top, styled over his forehead. The eyeshadow Adam is applying isn't subtle, a smoky silver, but then Sauli realises it needs to be strong to be visible on stage. The contrast between Adam's heavy makeup and the casual clothes is kind of adorable, the makeup not really fitting with a grey t-shirt and a very soft-looking blue plaid shirt. Sauli himself is wearing practical clothes that feel comfortable when he's moving all over the place. Black adidas tracksuit pants and a black t-shirt, his curly hair tied back to keep if off his face, and a tool belt around his waist holding all kinds of tools and materials to quickly fix costumes.

Adam smiles at him, and Sauli's heart rate doubles.

”Here they are,” he says. ”I'll go get the shoes.”

”Thank you, Sauli.”

It's always nice when people listen to Sauli's name instead of having to ask for it again.

He jogs back to the costume shop, cheeks feeling hot. _I'm not attracted to him, I'm not attracted to him_ , he repeats to himself. _It's just because he's a celebrity_.

Crap. He hasn't been working as a dresser for a very long time yet, but he's never been attracted to any of the actors he's been dressing before. None of them have been gay single men either. Things could get awkward, especially if Sauli can't hide his attraction and it makes Adam uncomfortable.

Carrying a box full of shoes, he returns to find Adam inspecting the first costume.

”Great, thanks. God, I love these shoes,” Adam says taking out a pair of black high heel boots. ”And it's so nice to have my own dresser. I've never had one before. I was doing musical theatre in my twenties, but I wasn't in top main roles on any big productions.”

”Oh! Well, I hope I'm not going to be terrible as your first dresser. What about concerts? Do you need help in those?”

”Yeah, sure,” Adam says while Sauli kneels down and starts organising the shoes into a row. ”Every tour there are some changes that need to be done at lightning speed, so it's like an army of people helping me backstage. The silver ones come before the sparkly platforms,” Adam points out.

”Oh, sorry. I haven't actually memorised your costumes yet.”

”That's okay!” Adam says in a reassuring voice. ”This is only the first dress rehearsal. And I know my own costumes probably too well. Here,” Adam says and offers his hand to Sauli. He's wearing black fingerless leather gloves, nails painted black.

Sauli takes the offered hand and lets Adam pull him up. Fuck, he's tall.

”You're so tall,” he blurts out. ”You're gonna have to sit down for people to fix your hair and makeup.”

”No, I'm taking care of that myself. It's just you and me in here.”

Oh, right. Only Sauli in the room, helping Adam to undress and change into costumes.

”I like your smile,” Adam says, and a sound nearly leaves Sauli's throat. How can he just—why? Can't he see how close Sauli is to just simply melting into a puddle?

”I'm sure you'll get tired of seeing my face,” he jokes. ”Seriously, though. This is your space, and it's important you feel comfortable. If you feel like you'd rather have someone else, a woman or a straight guy assisting you, I'm sure I could switch with another dresser.”

That gets Adam's attention.

”You're gay?”

”Yeah,” Sauli says rubbing his neck. He stops when he realises it's a nervous gesture. ”I totally get it if that makes you feel weird, with changing and everything.”

”No, I just want you.”

They look at each other, and Sauli feels his mouth twitching, mirroring Adam's.

”That did not come out the way I meant,” Adam says, clearly trying to hold back laughter.

”Well, let me know if you change your mind. And please tell me if I'm doing something wrong, or just getting on your nerves and you need me out of here.”

”I'll let you know,” Adam says smiling. ”I'm sure we're going to get along.”

He smiles back, feeling giddier the longer he's looking into Adam's eyes.

”If there's anything you need, tell me and I'll take care of it. I have time between the numbers.”

”You're not assigned to do anything else?” Adam asks, eyebrows lifting.

”I might go help the supporting cast to change when there are longer pauses. But I'm pretty much all yours.”

Adam is staring at him, and in his mind Sauli goes over the words he's just said. He doesn't look away though, staring up into Adam's eyes, and no one laughs this time.

The faint sound of instruments being tuned reminds him of what they're supposed to be doing. He tears his eyes from Adam's to glance at the watch on his wrist.

”Ten minutes,” he says.

”Right.”

Adam takes off his plaid shirt and gives it to Sauli. It's as soft as he thought, and he hangs it on the rack. The first costume is a full leather outfit, with a silver shirt underneath. He grabs the shirt and turns to hand it to Adam, and to take Adam's own t-shirt. He keeps his eyes on their hands, but can't help seeing both tattooed and bare skin. He takes a deep breath. He'll be seeing a lot more skin.

As a dresser he has to give Adam the privacy he needs, but there's also no room for embarrassment. They're both professionals, doing what needs to be done. Some of the costume changes will have to be done fast, so they can't waste time on being awkward about Adam baring his body. And anyway that's the backstage of a theatre for you; half-naked actors walking around all the time.

He can hear Adam take his trousers off. There's a screen in the room that Adam could use if he wanted more privacy, but it doesn't seem like he needs it.

”I'm sorry,” Sauli says and gives an apologetic grin when he turns around. He keeps his eyes on Adam's face and hands him the leather trousers. ”I think I'm having first day jitters.”

”Don't worry about it. I'm not bothered about people I work with seeing my naked ass,” Adam says in a dorky way and then giggles at himself. ”Those days are long gone.”

”I'll be seeing your naked ass? That's a bonus they didn't mention in the contract.”

That giggle really is amazing. Wearing the silver shirt, Adam starts pulling the leather trousers on, and Sauli can now take a quick look as Adam isn't looking at him.

Stupidly long legs. And pretty. How can a guy have legs that pretty? They're like, elegant legs. Long and slim and smooth, covered in blond hair. And firm thighs that one would want to squeeze. Adam is wearing dark blue briefs, and the shape there makes Sauli's throat dry.

No sign of a soulmark on Adam's legs. The tattoos on Adam's arms looked intricate, though, and the soulmark could be hidden there. Many people hide their soulmark in tattoos, especially celebrities, because they want to keep it as private as possible. It could even be on Adam's hands, since he's wearing those gloves at the moment. Hands are a common place—Karen for example also has a soulmark on her forefinger, although Sauli hasn't got a proper look at it.

Of course, there are many places on Adam's body where the soulmark could be. Hiding it would be especially understandable in Adam's case, if the mark is a reminder of the enormous loss.

People often mistake the butterflies and cross on Sauli's neck, or the birds on his chest, as his soulmark. Anyone looking closely and touching would know the difference, though, a person's soulmark having a distinct texture, unlike a tattoo.

After Adam has put his jacket and boots on, and they've checked that everything looks good, it's time to go.

”See you in a bit!” Adam says and goes.

Alone, Sauli just stands there for a while. He realises he's grinning to himself only when he catches his reflection in the mirror. Turning a bit, he checks what he looks like from behind, pretty satisfied with the view.

The audio from the stage is now coming through a speaker, and he listens to the overture while going through Adam's costumes and all the notes he's been handed. The main guitar riff of 'Heaven on Their Minds' tells him Adam is about to launch into his solo, so he drops everything and just sits down on a divan to listen.

Sauli knew Adam was good, but he didn't—he didn't _know_. And it's the first number of the musical. How can anything top that?

”That was incredible,” he says when Adam later comes barging through the door, sweaty face beaming. ”I got chills.”

”Aww, thank you.”

The first change isn't really a proper change, only slight modifications to the top part of the outfit, but Adam uses the short break to drink and dry his face.

The second one is a rushed full costume change. Sauli drops down to his knees and pulls Adam's boots off as Adam lifts his feet. He feels a brush of fingers in his hair, Adam taking support.

It seems like Adam can deal with the leather trousers on his own, but they look pretty tight, and it makes Sauli wonder if he some day needs to help Adam peel them down his legs.

He helps Adam get into a new jacket.

”What's your soulmate status?” Adam asks with his back to Sauli.

”I'm—I'm still seeking.”

”Oh.”

After Adam is gone again, Sauli doesn't know what to think. It's maybe the strangest way someone's asked about his status. Maybe it's just hard for Adam to ask about other people's soulmates since he's lost his own. Adam may have asked it during that hurried break to avoid any further conversation about it, but Sauli decides not to let that stop him.

The intermission between the first and second acts allows them time for a calmer costume change.

”Is it going okay?” he asks while putting Adam's costume away.

”Lots of things need fixing, but I guess nothing major. Everyone's pretty tired, though. I'm gonna wipe myself off, I'm sweating like a _pig!_ ”

When Adam comes back from the bathroom, there's a towel wrapped around his neck. Adam picks up his phone and concentrates on it, so Sauli can stare openly.

Adam is surprisingly hairy. For someone who's not terribly muscled all over, his pec muscles are also surprisingly full.

Sauli's body feels heavy. He'd like to lie back on the divan there and tell Adam to come closer. Instead he puts a stop to the sexual fantasies before they really start forming in his head, and chooses a sombre subject.

”I heard about your soulmate status. I'm so sorry.”

Adam looks at him and puts the phone away.

”That's sweet of you, thanks. It's strange to miss the thought of someone, but I've learnt to live with it.”

The thought?

”You never met them?”

”No. I felt it, years ago.”

_Oh_. For some reason he's thought Adam was in a relationship with his soulmate, but now he realises Karen never said anything like that. So Adam has lost his soulmate the way many unfortunately do, without ever getting the chance to meet them, and only becoming aware of the loss through a somewhat enigmatic but undeniably real sensation. Even if you've never met each other, when your soulmate dies, it's apparently like a shock to your system, being hit by a feeling of emptiness and grief out of nowhere.

”That's...”

”Yeah.”

He wonders what Adam's soulmate was like, and whether Adam thinks about it anymore. For other people wondering what their soulmate is like can be frustrating, because of the impatience to finally meet them, but it's also a really fun thing to daydream about. For someone who's lost his soulmate, however, it must be maddening. Wondering about a deep connection that could have been, a feeling of belonging and being understood, which they'll never have on the same level as with a soulmate.

He takes out the next costume and starts handing the pieces to Adam.

”I think Judas was Jesus' soulmate,” he says while Adam is buttoning his shirt.

”Right?! None of that 'Jesus had no soulmate' crap. He was a real historical person, and Judas was his soulmate for sure. That's why it's so tragic. Judas feels like Jesus is abandoning him, and that drives him to make terrible decisions.”

While going on about it Adam buttons his shirt wrong, so Sauli steps close to correct it. Adam snorts and Sauli grins while buttoning. He can sense Adam's gaze directed down at his face, feel the warmth of Adam's body.

”Tuck it in,” he says, and his voice wasn't supposed to sound that husky, so he clears his throat and repeats it louder. Adam tucks the shirt in his trousers, looking at him while doing it and smiling a little.

They have to hurry now, so Sauli steps back and they finish Adam's outfit efficiently. Then Adam is out of the door.

The next costume change goes well, the one before Judas' death, but they're almost late with the one before 'Supestar'. Sauli can't help but burst into laughter when he takes a proper look at the last outfit.

Adam joins in on the laughter.

”What? What?”

”I feel like I'm being blinded by sparkles. I love it.”

He's not even sure why they're laughing so much, but hearing Adam's laughter just makes him keep giggling.

”I was—I was thinking there should be more. You know the b—” Adam bursts into laughter and can't talk.

”The what?”

”The b-bedazzler?”

There are tears streaming from Sauli's eyes, but he nods while wiping his eyes.

”I have one,” Adam says. ”Actually with me here in New York. I could bring it.”

”Sure. Bring it and we can bedazzle together.”

Adam looks so happy about that. What a lovely, ridiculous man.

”I tore something,” Adam says later when he comes back from the stage after the rehearsal is over.

”Yeah, and I noticed a tear earlier, too. I'll mend them tomorrow.”

He'll be arriving four hours early every day, with a dinner break before the show, to take care of repairs and laundry, helping Karen with other costumes as well and not only Adam's.

He makes a note of the repairs and collects all the machine washable items into a basket. Those that need to be dry cleaned will be cleaned only twice a week.

”I feel weird about you picking up my dirty laundry,” Adam says, coming back from the bathroom freshly showered and dressed in his own clothes. Oddly he's wearing gloves again, which adds to the idea that the soulmark might be on his hand.

”Don't. It's my job.”

”About that. I was thinking, do you like dogs?”

He blinks at Adam.

”Yeah, I love dogs.”

”I was just thinking, and I know it's not your job, but I have this little dog. He's all alone in a strange apartment every night while I'm here. Since I'm the only main cast member you're dressing, do you think you could keep an eye on him if I brought him here? Would it be a bother for you?”

Sauli has started smiling as soon as Adam mentions having a dog.

”I'd love to. It's no bother at all. I promise I won't let him run to the stage. I mean, if it's okay for the theatre that there's a dog here...?”

”I'll make sure it's okay, but that's great, thank you. He's really easy to take care of, doesn't bark.”

Sauli gathers his things and the costumes to be taken to the costume shop.

”I'll see you tomorrow.”

”See you tomorrow,” Adam says smiling. ”Thank you for your help. I couldn't have managed it without you.”

_Butterflies, they're butterflies in his stomach_ , he thinks as he's pushing the clothes rack along the corridor.

”How did it go?” Karen asks him.

It's completely impossible to hold back a smile.

”That well, huh? Well, Adam is quite the honeybutt. Is that smile for the job or the man?”

”I don't know what you're talking about.”

”Uh-huh. Well, stuff to do. We'll spend a couple of hours doing laundry and sorting things out for tomorrow. Our Jesus tore his robe completely, so we have to make a new one.”

As Sauli is loading a washing machine, another dresser says it's kind of nice to stay at work for longer and leave when all the fuss has disappeared from the stage door.

”Fuss?”

”Glamberts.”

”What?”

”Adam's fans.”

He hasn't even thought about that. The dresser tells him Adam has informed his fans he wouldn't stop to sign anything, not after rehearsals or even when the show opens. If he starts doing it, he will have to stay outside for ages even when he's tired after a show. It wouldn't be fair, because he still couldn't possibly sign for every fan after every show, and the fans first in line at the door wouldn't even be the fans who had attended that day's show. Adam's performance could suffer, and he doesn't want his fans to be staying in the cold for hours.

”But they're still there?” he asks.

”Yeah, some every night, just to see a glimpse of him getting into the car. There's a security guy there to take care of everything.”

Right as she finishes saying this, Sauli can hear screaming from outside the venue.

”Yep, that's him leaving.”

When Sauli is finally home after a long day, he notices Adam has added him on Instagram and liked several of his shirtless pics.

It sends a flash of heat to his stomach and makes him bite his lip. He shouldn't be this happy about Adam checking him out and seeing what he looks like without a shirt on.

Oh, what is he going to do about this crush?


	2. Chapter 2

The next day when Adam comes in for the second dress rehearsal, Sauli is already in Adam's room setting the costumes ready. Adam is wearing sunglasses and a green leather jacket, carrying a small brown dog.

”This is Pharaoh. He's friendly, but he's a little reserved with strangers at first, so it can take time before he warms up to people.”

Of course his name is Pharaoh. Adam puts the dog down, and Sauli sits on the floor to appear less threatening.

Pharaoh trots straight to him and climbs on his lap. He's adorable, sniffing at Sauli and finding a good position to sit down.

”Hi buddy, hi. _Mitä kuuluu? Oot ihana_.” Sauli gives the dog a kiss and looks at Adam.

He can't see Adam's eyes behind the sunglasses, but Adam is staring at them while chewing a gum.

”O-kay, then!” Adam says in a high voice, conveying he has no idea what's going on. ”You two have fun, I'm gonna hop on the bike for a minute.”

It turns out to be super nice that Pharaoh is there. Maybe having Pharaoh around even helps Adam to relax, although Adam seems like such a seasoned performer to Sauli that it's hard to imagine him getting nervous. Stroking your dog should release all those feel-good hormones, though.

During the run-through Pharaoh is lovely company, even though Sauli does leave the room a couple of times to go help others. Every time Adam comes in, Pharaoh jumps up from his spot on the rug or the divan or some makeshift nest, but he keeps out of the way when Adam and Sauli are moving about.

By now Sauli feels maybe a little less awkward about dressing Adam. Less awkward, but still nervous, his heart beating fast.

It's terribly unprofessional of him, but when his fingers accidentally brush warm, freckled skin when helping Adam put on the first costume, he wishes he could do it again. He looks at Adam from all sides to make sure he's impeccable.

”You have makeup on your beard,” he points out. ”Wait, don't touch it.”

He takes a cotton pad, wets it with warm water, and then gently wipes the makeup away from Adam's short beard.

”Thanks.” Adam touches Sauli's bare arm briefly.

After the rehearsal is done, Sauli stays in Adam's room for a little longer than needed, petting Pharaoh.

”I'm so thankful they put you as my dresser,” Adam says while packing his things. ”You're almost the first person I meet here every day, and the last person I see before I leave. It's gonna feel like my work day always begins and ends well.”

”I'm glad, too,” he says, Adam's kind words settling warmly into him.

”Can I have your number?” Adam asks.

It feels like Sauli's heart relocates somewhere else, and a blush creeps up his neck.

”In case anything ever comes up,” Adam adds. ”Since you're my dresser. And 'cause of Pharaoh, too.”

Oh, right. Of course. That's logical.

After leaving Adam, he finds Karen cutting a piece fabric on a wide table in the costume shop. Sauli rests his upper body on the table, wishing he could fall asleep on it.

”So you're a dogsitter now, too, huh?” she asks without looking at him, focused on cutting a straight line.

”Yeah. I love Pharaoh. We should make him a costume.”

”Egyptian?”

”Yeah. Do you already know what 'Tuscany' means to you and your soulmate?” Sauli asks, looking at Karen's forefinger and the word written on it in black script.

”Oh, we know what's happened in Tuscany.” She finishes cutting and gives him a wink. ”You seem tired. Get some coffee so you can get through a couple of more hours, and make sure to rest tomorrow. Big night on Wednesday.”

It's going to be the first preview, the doors opening for audiences. Then four weeks of previews before the official opening night.

It's silly, but he'd rather skip the day off. Sleeping two nights before he sees Adam again feels like too long.

\---

On the day of the first preview the energy in the theatre is completely transformed. Tired stress has been replaced by a palpable excitement, everybody seeming invigorated and filled with nervous enthusiasm.

Sauli bumps into Alisan who looks a bit pale, however.

”Are you okay?”

”Oh, I'm okay. Thanks,” she says laughing and clasping her hands together. ”It's just nerves, I still get awful stage fright sometimes.”

She's so tiny and cute.

”Well, then you know it's just a thing your body does. I've heard you sing, it's gorgeous. There's no need to worry.”

”You're so sweet,” she says. ”At times like these I wish I had a soulmate here to support me.”

”I hope you'll be together soon.” Some people really do flourish once they've been united with their soulmate, and she could be one of them.

”Adam always makes me feel better, too.” A curious smile forms on her lips. ”Although I have to say I haven't seen him a lot since the dress rehearsals started, other than on stage. He hasn't dropped by that much in the green room where some of us hang out.”

”Oh, uh... I don't know what to say. I don't really know him. You two are friends, right?”

”Yeah, for ages now. Could you tell him to drop by my room when he comes in?”

He promises he will.

When Adam arrives Sauli is sitting cross-legged on the divan, sewing.

”What are you doing?” Adam asks.

He glances at Adam and then makes kissy noises at Pharaoh, unable to take his hands off his work.

”I'm sewing a button that you nearly ripped off the other day. Alisan wants to see you.”

”You're wearing glasses.”

”Mm-hm.”

Nothing happens, other than Pharaoh finding a spot on a pillow.

Sauli is smiling, but doesn't look away from his task.

”Alisan,” he says as a reminder.

”Right.”

When Adam comes back, Sauli points at a table that holds an electric kettle and now a steaming mug.

”I made you some tea,” Sauli says and instantly curses himself. Why did he say it like that? He was making tea also for himself at the same time, it's not like he was making it just for Adam.

”Thanks, ho—is there any honey?” Adam coughs. Hopefully he's not getting sick. That would be terrible.

”Right in front of your face. Is Alisan okay?”

”She's fine. Just stage fright, but she knows how to push through, and it helps when she's reminded it's not a big deal to fumble during previews. She's talking to the kids now.”

”She has kids?” He didn't know that. He's been meaning to add Alisan on Instagram, but hasn't got around to it. So the kids' dad isn't Alisan's soulmate...

”Yeah, with her ex husband,” Adam says taking the mug and bringing it to the makeup table where he sits down to get ready. ”His soulmate is platonic, and she hadn't been united with hers when they started dating. Still hasn't. They were in love and wanted it to work out. Sadly it's kind of ironic that it didn't last, but not because of Alisan finding her soulmate. Just for other reasons.”

Right. There are different reasons why a relationship could fail, but it's true that finding your soulmate often means the end of a previous relationship. The pull is just too strong, and more often than not romantic feelings develop between soulmates.

He should leave Adam in peace, give him some time to get into the mindset and prepare before they have to start getting ready for the show.

”I'm going to the shop for a while,” he says, putting away the jacket he's repaired. ”I'll come back later to get you ready.”

”Oh. Do you have things to do?” Adam turns to look at him.

”Um, not really. I thought I'd give you some privacy.”

”Don't go.” Adam looks at him seriously, eyes liquid pools of pale blue, his hair a bit messy. ”I like it when you're here.”

 _I'm just gonna stay here forever, then_. It feels like the things Adam keeps saying have caused Sauli's insides to rearrange themselves several times already.

”Okay. I'll stay.”

He sits down, leaning back and relaxing with Pharaoh cuddling up against him, and watches as Adam does his makeup.

A grin starts to form on Sauli's face.

”Are you usually this much of a diva, or just because you have your own dresser now?”

Adam splutters.

”Excuse me!” Adam then holds his eyeshadow brush between his fingers as if it's a long cigarette holder. He puts a fierce expression on his face that spells diva, even though the corner of his mouth is twitching. ”Some people call me high-maintenance,” Adam says in an exaggeratedly husky voice. ”But I just know what I want. And I don't let anyone stand in my way.”

Sauli is giggling so that Pharaoh, who's lying half on top of his chest, is bouncing along with it.

”God, I am a fucking diva, aren't I though?” Adam says in his normal voice and continues putting his makeup on. ”Demanding my dresser to be with me at all times.”

”Hmm.” Sauli smiles to himself. He thinks about what he just said, and comes to the conclusion that saying the same thing to some other actor he barely knows could have been a disaster.

When it's finally time for Adam to head to the stage, he gives Adam's back a pat.

”Break a leg.”

Adam sounds stupendous in the speakers, and during the first change Sauli is a little nervous, because now it's the real deal and they absolutely do have to always be on time. It's a good kind of nervous energy, though. This is what he loves: the excitement, the rush to get everything perfect, feeling like he's useful and being part of the crew. Working towards a common goal of creating magic for the audiences every night. Not to mention the fact that through this job he gets to meet all these wonderful people.

Adam comes back for another change with his eyes shining, vibrating with energy.

When Sauli kneels down to pull the boots off, his eyes slide over Adam's lower body, and something there makes him take a second look.

There's a more distinct bulge than before in Adam's leather pants.

Quickly he looks back at the boots and pulls them off. What just... Is it the singing in front of an audience? The charged energy Adam receives from that?

Boots now off, Sauli's eyes stray again. He can't not look. It's fucking hot, the material straining, and just thinking what's underneath... Blood is rushing to his own groin.

His mind short-circuits. Leather creaks when Adam changes his stance a little, and it makes Sauli look up helplessly into Adam's eyes.

Adam is looking down at him, eyes half-lidded and heavy, mouth slightly open.

After what feels like ages, but in truth is probably only a matter of seconds, Adam squeezes his eyes shut.

”Can you—can you give me the jeans?”

It shakes Sauli from his stupor.

”Yeah. Sorry.”

With his back turned to Adam, he hears a zipper being pulled down, and it's as if the sound is louder than before. He takes his time hanging the clothes, but turns around just in time to see Adam pull a pair of soft jeans up over the beautiful swell of his ass.

This is no longer just dressing Adam, it's him lusting and perving over Adam's body, and he feels guilty as hell. Or he would, but then Adam glances at him looking so fucking seductive, licking the corner of his lips, that Sauli expects himself to spontaneously combust into flames any second.

Somehow he goes through the necessary motions almost unconsciously, seeing Adam out of the door.

After splashing some water on his face, he's curious about how the show is going, so he takes a trip to the green room. The monitors there show what's happening on the stage, and it's nice to see Adam in action instead of only hearing him. The outfit looks good, too, the jeans hugging Adam in all the right places.

They get through the rest of the changes, talking as if nothing's going on, but the air feels charged every time Sauli gets into Adam's space.

Post show Adam comes back from the stage with flowers.

”Congratulations!” Sauli says, helping Adam put the flowers down. ”Those applauds sounded nuts.”

”Thank you, I'm not completely satisfied, but it went alright.” Adam is looking pretty happy despite his words.

The door is still half-open, and Sauli's dresser colleague appears in the doorway carrying more flowers, followed by a woman Sauli has never seen before.

”Adam, that was amazing,” the woman says. ”I'll see you tomorrow at noon for the interview, okay?”

”Thanks, I'll see you then,” Adam says.

”Oh, are you dressing Adam?” the woman asks of Sauli's colleague.

”No, he's mine,” Sauli says quickly.

Everyone turns to look at him, and a squeaking sound comes from Adam's direction. Why does this situation keep happening, both of them saying weird things about each other?

”I mean, I'm dressing Adam,” he clarifies.

”Right,” the woman says, sounding amused. ”And I'm Adam's publicist. Tomorrow, then!” she says and the two women disappear, only to be soon replaced by Alisan.

”My room is being invaded by women,” Adam says. ”But you're welcome because I love you.”

”Aww I love you, too, sweetie,” she says. ”Drinks in an hour. Sauli, you're coming too, right?”

”To a bar? I've still got two hours of work...” He glances into Adam's eyes.

”Oh, I'm sure Karen will let you off,” Alisan says with confidence. ”You're coming, it's decided.”

Adam says he'll take a shower and then take Pharaoh home, promising to text the place to Sauli.

In the costume shop Sauli has hardly finished explaining his request to Karen before she says of course he can go with the cast and just come in early the next day.

”Naturally Adam wants you there,” she says.

”How would you know? He didn't even say anything to me.”

She just starts whistling and walks away.

\---

It's a fairly large group of them there, spread around two round tables so that Sauli is sitting next to Adam.

Glad to be able to wear something other than sweatpants and a t-shirt for a change, he's dressed in ripped jeans and a shirt with its sleeves rolled up and several buttons left open.

Adam is looking very stylish with a white shirt and a blue blazer over it.

Sauli learns that another cast member, Charl, is also an old friend of Adam's.

”At least there's a high chance of us finding our soulmates,” Charl is saying loudly on the other side of the table to be heard over the music. ”Can you imagine having lived in the Middle Ages? The chances were so slim. What did they even do about it?”

They've started talking about soulmates a while ago, and Sauli feels a little bad for Adam, but Adam takes part in the conversation. He's probably used to it.

”They had minstrels,” Adam says. ”I watched a documentary. They went from town to town and recited the soulmarks they'd seen on their travels, or they carried drawings which people could look at against payment."

”Well, that's kind of like our parents, then,” Alisan says. ”Their generation is the last one who had to do it the hard way, browsing through soulmark catalogues. It's almost too easy now.”

”Are you a traditionalist?” Charl asks. ”Do you think people should just leave it all to chance and hope for the best?”

”I don't know, not really. I'm registered and I've been searching. But there's something appealing in just letting fate take care of it.”

”Aww, such a romantic,” Charl says nudging Alisan's shoulder.

”But you do hear really crazy stories,” Sauli says. ”Soulmates who live on opposite sides of the world just bumping into each other in a really unlikely place. Or like, you're a watchmaker and somehow a customer's watch keeps breaking so they have to come to get it fixed again and again until you see their soulmark.”

”I think that's a classic,” Adam says. ”Running into someone constantly before realising what's going on.”

”There's definitely some kind of fate behind it,” Alisan says. ”Soulmates are just somehow drawn together, eventually. I just keep waiting for mine, like, where is he?!”

”Oh, you're sure it's a he?” Sauli asks laughing.

”Well, I feel like it must be.”

Alisan sounds like she's getting pretty tipsy.

”I'm sorry about going on about this,” she says to Adam and squeezes his gloved hand. ”I know you've been told this a million times, but you can still form meaningful connections. A soulmate is just—” She pauses to hiccup. ”A person you're most compatible with to form a deep connection, but not the only one.”

Adam takes her hand and kisses it.

”I know, sweetie. I'm hardly the only person in the world who will never meet their soulmate.” Adam looks around the table. ”I get sad sometimes, but honestly I think my fans are more sad than I am.”

Charl laughs at this.

”Oh, I've seen. Poor glamberts, they're pretty heartbroken.”

”They know?” Sauli asks.

”Yeah, I decided early on that I would be honest about it. I didn't want to evade the question every time, or mislead the fans. I knew they'd get obsessed with trying to spot my soulmark and find my soulmate for me, if they didn't know the truth.”

”What about you, Sauli?” Alisan asks. ”You're still seeking, aren't you?”

”Yeah, I am.”

Alisan heaves a sigh. ”Well, there's hope for us yet. What about dating? Karen told me you're single.” She lets out a short giggle. ”Sorry about gossiping. What's your type of guy? You're so pretty.”

”Uhh. My type of guy...”

Oh, no. What can he even say? What should he say?

”Come on. Twinks, masc or femme guys? Older or younger? Athletes? Are you into actors since you work with them?”

It's a very good-natured interrogation, but he feels like he's put on the spot.

”Not twinks. I guess... Physically someone tall. Just someone sweet and funny,” he says, his pulse racing.

”Don't tease the poor guy, Alisan,” Adam says.

”I'm not teasing! Dating is just so complicated, too, right? I feel like I don't even want to try dating at the moment, 'cause I feel like my soulmate is just around the corner. And people have such different dating policies. Like Adam, I know you never see twice anyone who hasn't found their soulmate yet, right?”

Sauli glances at Adam, who's fiddling with his glass of tequila, eyes fixed on it.

”Yeah,” Adam says almost too quietly. ”Very casual with people who are still seeking.”

”And you would never even consider getting seriously involved unless the guy has a platonic soulmate, or has lost his soulmate like you?” Alisan continues. ”It's really smart to protect yourself like that...”

Adam nods at this and drowns the rest of his tequila.

It feels like a good place to finally change the subject, and it seems like Alisan and Charl pick up on it, too, starting to talk about Jesus Christ Superstar again. The mood improves, other cast members joining in and having a good laugh, Adam grinning and giggling again. Since Sauli has to go to work earlier than usual the next day, it's probably not a good idea for him to stay at the bar for long. Also because his heart has just been torn out and stomped over. He'd like to just go home and crawl into bed. It's unreasonable and silly, but it feels so bad he can't even talk. It's funny how your heart can get broken so undramatically, just by overhearing a conversation, and nobody having any clue that the words are affecting someone. He wants to scream and sob, feeling like his heart is literally breaking in two as he's sitting there next to a man unlike any he's ever met, who's felt so close to him during the past few days, but who's now completely unreachable. Now it feels so stupid that he fussed over his appearance earlier, arriving to the bar all hopeful. The self-pitying thoughts are threatening to make tears spill out, and he swallows repeatedly to hold back his feelings. He turns away from Adam, pretending to start listening to other cast members' conversation.

He decides to leave when a few of the cast members leave and others stand up to get more drinks. When he's saying goodbye there's a weird moment. Adam is staring at Sauli, his mouth opening a couple of times as if to say something, but nothing comes out. They just keep looking at each other until Sauli shrugs his shoulders.

”See you tomorrow,” he says and turns to walk away.

 


	3. Chapter 3

While doing bench presses at the gym the next morning, Sauli decides it's wrong of him to mope. He wasn't promised anything. Adam has made no advances or even hinted in any way that he's interested in Sauli. There may have been some flirting, but that's just a harmless and natural thing to do between single guys. It doesn't mean anything. All of it was just in Sauli's own head, the hopes and fantasies, so he can only blame himself for getting ahead of things and imagining that there's something going on.

Adam having decided not to get involved with a guy who's still seeking is in no way a personal insult directed at Sauli, and in fact has nothing to do with Sauli.

It makes sense that Adam would choose his lovers carefully. Many people do date before finding their soulmate, because even if you break up, you can always console yourself with the hope that one day you'll be united with someone even more suitable to you—your own soulmate. For Adam, however, there's no hope of that. Imagine developing feelings for someone, even deep love, only for a soulmate to then appear on the scene and steal your lover away. Dating people with platonic soulmates or people whose soulmate is passed away is safer in that sense.

Regardless of what Adam's dating policy is, it's not even necessarily related to whether or not Adam is interested in Sauli. He could just not be into Sauli in that way.

Maybe he should just forget about this crush and concentrate on thinking about the person who's out there somewhere, carrying Sauli's soulmark on their hand. To be honest, for a while he's kind of forgotten about that person.

At the theatre he greets Adam and Pharaoh cheerfully.

”Ready for the second show?” he asks. ”No hangover?”

”No,” Adam laughs. ”I didn't drink that much. Might be different tonight. No show tomorrow, and some friends of mine are coming tonight.”

Oh, of course. Naturally Adam would have friends in New York, even if he lives in Los Angeles.

”Sounds nice. They weren't here yesterday?”

”No, I told them to come to the second show 'cause we might screw up the first one,” Adam says with a giggle, scratching his beard. ”And I convinced all my family and friends who don't live here not to fly in until later. The show could still change and improve so much during the previews. The costumes, too.”

”Oh, do you have some ideas?” Sauli asks while taking a bowl and filling it with fresh water, since Pharaoh keeps looking at him expectantly.

”I always have ideas. Did you... Did you have a good morning?”

After kneeling down to give the bowl to Pharaoh, Sauli looks up at Adam rather seriously.

”Yeah. I think so. I went to the gym.”

”I saw. From your story.”

There's nothing strange about what Adam is saying, but it feels like something is off.

”You have a long day today,” Adam says.

”Yeah. That's okay.”

Now that Sauli has no hope of having Adam—well, other than for one night, in theory, which he doesn't want and doesn't even think Adam would go for considering they work together daily—it takes most of the nervousness he's felt out of the equation.

If he still dresses Adam as if Adam is something precious, still looks at Adam's body longingly, it just can't be helped. It still makes his heart skip a beat to hear Adam's breath hitch, when his fingers sort of but not entirely accidentally brush Adam's neck, straightening the collar.

The flowers from last night are still in the room. During a period when Adam is on stage for a longer time, Sauli amuses himself by spreading rose petals on the floor and taking pictures of Pharaoh lying over them. Pharaoh cooperates and poses lying on his back, looking cutely into the camera, and Sauli drops some more rose petals on top of him.

”You're such a good boy,” he says rubbing Pharaoh's belly. ”Please look after your dad.”

The photos are hilarious, and Adam bursts into laughter when he sees them during the intermission, saying he'll post one.

”I'm not sure fans had this in mind when they sent me flowers, but I'm sure they'll approve.”

”They're gonna want pictures of you like that,” Sauli says.

”Naked with rose petals? And you'd be the photographer?”

Sauli is literally speechless, thinking about Adam lying on his stomach and rose petals falling over his pale round ass.

Adam just looks at him, smiling so that his eyes are narrow and crinkled.

Later Sauli meets Alisan in the corridor and shows her the photos, too.

”So, how's it going with you and Adam?” she asks suddenly.

”Err, fine?” Why is she asking it like that, they're not a thing? Although maybe she's just thinking about the working relationship. The relationship between a dresser and an actor is important, so that there's a good atmosphere and everything goes smoothly.

”Bets were taken about whether or not you two had slept together. Charl even asked Adam about it last night to settle it.”

Okay, so it _was_ about sex.

”What did he say?” Sauli asks, his stomach in knots.

”That is was none of our business, but after asking how Charl had placed his bet, he said he'd answer truthfully that you hadn't just so he could watch Charl lose his money.”

”Did you bet?”

”Just five bucks that you hadn't. You see, women know these things.” She taps her nose and winks at him.

He's not entirely sure what to think about Adam's comment, but he supposes there's no new information to be gained from it about Adam's thoughts.

They get interrupted by Adam coming off the stage, and Sauli follows Adam to take care of the costume change.

He's facing the clothes rack when he feels Adam touch his hair.

”Your hair is escaping,” Adam says.

He feels Adam's fingers open the bun and carefully gather his curls into a tighter bun again. The feel of those fingers in his hair sends such shivers down his spine that to his embarrassment his body is visibly trembling.

He mutters his thanks and gives Adam the next piece of clothing.

Maybe he gets all distracted from that, but only after Adam is gone he realises that a belt Adam is supposed to be wearing is lying on the floor.

He grabs it and runs to the backstage, trying not to collide with any actors or stagehands. Everything is hushed there, people moving silently. He mouths 'Adam' and shows the belt to someone who looks at him questioningly, and Sauli is pointed to the right direction. Hearing the singing coming from only behind some setpieces is exciting, and it reminds him of previous jobs when he's handled some really quick changes, helping actors to dress right there in the dim light of backstage.

He finds Adam on the left side of the stage between the wings, which are used to conceal actors waiting for their turn, or to store any props about to go on stage.

Adam looks surprised to see him, but grins when Sauli shows him the belt. After putting it on Adam leans down to whisper into his ear.

”Stay.”

”I'm in the way,” he whispers back.

”No, you're not.” It's true there's no one else there between the wings they're standing in at the moment.

He listens to the singing and realises that the cue for Adam to go on stage is still a little further away. They turn to look at the small section of the stage they can see from their spot, and listen to the performance. It's so loud and dark in there, but every now and then Adam's face gets illuminated by different coloured lights coming from the stage. It's mesmerising.

On a mad impulse Sauli steps even closer and leans up to press his lips against Adam's cheek, on the skin just above the line of his beard.

For a fraction of a second he gets scared about what he's done. He's made an unprofessional and an unwanted advance, possibly ruined Adam's concentration. He pulls back and expects to be pushed away, but Adam turns his head and the softest pair of lips press against his.

They stand there, heads tilted and eyes closed, pressing their lips together in a lingering close-mouthed kiss. He wants it to go on forever, just Adam's plump lips pressing into his, not even moving much but applying soft pressure. Adam's nose is pushed against his cheek and beard brushing his skin, Sauli's heart beating with steady thumps. The longer the kiss goes on, the heavier it seems to become with meaning.

Outside world can't be shut away, though, and he can hear that Adam's turn is approaching fast. Their lips separate with a soft smack, and then suddenly he's watching Adam's retreating back.

You don't kiss someone like that if you only want to hook up... Right? But Adam's principle is to _never_ get seriously involved with a guy who's seeking.

He stumbles back to Adam's dressing room. Waiting for the last costume change has never been this nerve-racking. He looks in the mirror to make sure he looks okay—a bit flustered and eyes bright. His hands keep sweating.

Adam is already in the process of taking off his jacket as he comes in, and Sauli takes it from him, glancing into Adam's eyes. They say nothing, and Adam is undressing faster than ever, then grabbing the clothes from Sauli's hands almost violently.

Once Adam is dressed, however, an arm suddenly hooks around Sauli's waist and pulls him close against Adam's body.

He tilts his head up and meets Adam's lips. They're as soft as earlier, and he kisses them again and again, brushing his lips against Adam's and parting his mouth slightly to take the lower lip between his. His hands end up in Adam's hair, and he loses track of time completely, but thankfully one of them is listening to the speakers.

”Mmh.” Adam breaks the kiss. ”Sauli, I gotta go,” he whispers, pecking Sauli's lips once more.

”Your hair.”

Adam tilts his head down and with a few quick brushes Sauli makes sure his hair is acceptable before Adam is gone again.

Standing there, Sauli turns to look at Pharaoh, who's lying on a pillow with his head between his paws, looking back at Sauli.

Asking Pharaoh if _he_ knows what's up, in either language, doesn't produce any results.

Pharaoh's eyes fall shut.

Later loud talking from the corridor and Adam's voice among it alerts him that there are other people coming in with Adam.

Why couldn't Adam's friends just wait for him in the green room like guests usually do? Instead they all cram into the dressing room with Adam, laughing and making noise. There are four of them, all very good-looking, a couple of them especially glamorous.

Adam glances at Sauli several times, but it looks like they're not going to be able to talk. Helping Adam with his costume would be weird, too, with other people present. Not that Adam really needs help with getting out of the last costume, because there's no hurry, but to Sauli it's started to feel like a sacred ritual.

Someone pops open a bottle of champagne, making Pharaoh jump.

”Adam,” Sauli says when he can get a word in. ”Leave the last costume here. I'll wash it later.”

They look at each other before Sauli leaves, taking the other costumes with him.

Later that night, unable to sleep because his roommates are making noise, Sauli looks at Adam's fun night out through several Instagram stories.

The next day he's wondering how he'll get through the day without going nuts, when he notices Adam has posted one of the pics of Pharaoh with rose petals. There's a camera emoji and Sauli is tagged after it.

Scrolling through the comments makes him smile at how much love is being shown for Adam and Pharaoh. Following the threads of conversations to different fan accounts, however, reveals to him that people are already posting winky faces and suggestive comments about him. There's even speculation about whether something is going on between him and Adam, some people going so far as to wonder if Sauli has a soulmate or not, because Adam should be protected.

Eventually he decides it's not something he should be looking at. The fans mean well, but they have their own lives to live, while Adam and Sauli have theirs. He can't let himself be influenced by strangers' opinions of a relationship that is happening only between two people.

His phone beeps with an incoming message from Adam.

> _I want to kiss you again._

He writes 'then kiss me', but deletes it. 'I don't do one night stands' gets deleted as well, because it's not necessarily always true, and not the point.

> I don't want a one night stand with you.
> 
> _We could take it slow? See what happens._
> 
> Okay. Kiss me tomorrow.

\---

Adam sets his backpack down and drops Pharaoh's leash, but then they're kissing.

He feels like he's been starving, and there's no getting enough of Adam's lips slotted between his.

They spend most of the time before the start with their lips locked in slow, sensual kisses, with only the bare minimum time spent on getting Adam ready.

”This can't be called working,” Sauli says after Adam leans down to give him another kiss.

”No. Blame me,” Adam says and seals his lips around Sauli's lower lip.

”Mmh.” After Adam releases his lip slowly, Sauli pulls back to prevent another kiss from immediately following.

”What do you want?” he asks looking into Adam's eyes. ”If you're just looking for a hookup...”

”No, I'm not,” Adam says, stroking Sauli's cheeks, touching his nose ring, fingertips stroking the planes and angles of his face. ”I just want this.”

”I thought you didn't want to get involved with someone who's seeking.”

”I didn't, and this could be the worst idea of my life... So maybe it's best not to rush into anything.”

”Okay. We'll figure it out slowly.” Sauli nuzzles his face into Adam's gloved palm and kisses the tip of a bare thumb.

”Exclusive, right?” Adam asks. ”While we figure it out. Please.”

”Yeah, of course.”

He kisses Adam with just the right amount of wetness and heat to make Adam look turned on before sending him away to the stage.

Costume changes are now accompanied by quick kisses, and touches that don't have to be so accidental anymore.

During the intermission Sauli gets wrapped up in an embrace, so he wraps his own arms around Adam's waist tightly, cheek pressed against his chest.

It goes on forever. It doesn't feel like an entirely normal thing to do for people who have only just started feeling each other out.

”Your heart's beating so fast,” he says.

”Do you have to expose me like that?” Adam says in a pained voice.

It makes him giggle against Adam's chest.

”It's just me and Pharaoh here,” he says but disengages from the embrace. ”Come on. Off you go now.”

Post show Adam undresses down to his briefs, and clearly lingers before going to the bathroom, waiting until Sauli has finished dealing with the costume and turns to look.

He looks, from head to toe and back up, paying attention to Adam's hard-on, but he doesn't make a move to follow Adam, and Adam doesn't ask him to, only grins while walking away slowly.

”Do you play chess?” Sauli asks when Adam comes back, hair wet.

”Chess?” Adam looks surprised. ”Yeah, I love to. I mean, it's been a while.”

”My roommates don't play. Would you play with me?”

”If we can cuddle while doing it,” Adam says.

”Deal.”

He kisses Adam goodnight and leaves before there's too much of a temptation to suggest anything.

\---

It goes on like that, except they try not to make out too heavily between costume changes, after Adam says they've got to tone it down a notch since it's making his dick so hard.

So they exchange sweet smooches, and during long breaks take turns to move chess pieces on Sauli's chess board.

”I don't think this is how chess is supposed to be played,” he says, sitting between Adam's legs and leaning back against his shoulder. He's not complaining, though, even if parts of Adam's costume sometimes poke at him sharply. It's fun to look at Adam's concentrated face from up close, those focused eyes and furrowed brow, while being cuddled at the same time, Adam's hand caressing under his shirt.

”I see nothing wrong about this,” Adam says after a long pause once he's made his move. He then rotates the chessboard around. ”Your turn.”

Sauli glances at his watch to see they've got five more minutes.

”Are those scars?” Adam asks and touches Sauli's palm.

”Yeah. They're old. Just a bit of an accident when I was a kid.”

He wonders if he should tell Adam, but it feels like such a heavy subject to bring up: soulmarks and the possibility of Sauli finding his soulmate.

It's obvious that Adam is still protecting his own soulmark, hiding it among some of his tattoos, or under the gloves, or even in a place Sauli hasn't seen yet. It's not unheard of to have your soulmark in your groin or on your butt, for example, unpractical as that is. Or even so near your hairline that it can't be seen, or behind your ear, on the bottom of your foot, wherever. If they end up in bed, maybe he'll find out.

Not that he wants to pressure Adam into revealing a soulmark that must mean so much. It's not always the easiest thing to relate to, because while the soulmark that's been gone from Sauli's skin is still very clear in his mind, for a long time he hasn't had the same kind of connection to it as other people. It's not something he can look at daily, or touch to comfort himself. He just knows that his soulmate is supposed to be out there.

\---

One day he decides to lie down for five minutes while waiting for Adam to come to work. There's no blanket in the room, so he takes one of Adam's own shirts which has been left there and uses it as a blanket.

He wakes up to Adam stroking his curls.

”What am I gonna do with you?” Adam asks, smiling gently.

Kissing seems like the answer.

The kissing escalates so that Adam is kissing Sauli's face eagerly all over the place, beard tickling Sauli's skin, until he has to be almost pushed away.

”You're worse than a puppy,” Sauli says. ”Look at Pharaoh,” he says, nodding at Pharaoh who's curled up sleeping. ”Go put your make up on. I'll kiss you later.”

Adam leans close to Sauli's ear and makes his voice go very low.

”Promise?”

He shivers with pleasure. It's unfair that Adam has discovered how effective his deep and husky voice is.

”I promise, yes. It's not like it's a difficult thing to promise, you don't have to torture me.”

After the show he's caught staring when Adam's shirt is unbuttoned, his slightly sweaty chest visible.

"Come here", Adam whispers. ”Come here, come here.”

It's time to fulfill the promise, so when Adam bends his head close, he kisses Adam hungrily. His hands find Adam's abdomen, fingers spreading on naked skin, going back and forth between Adam's chest and back. The kisses are open-mouthed, and the feel of Adam's tongue is making him desperate, like all the pent-up lust is now coming to the surface.

”You taste so good,” Adam says into the kiss. ”And feel so good.”

He's grabbed tight, and Adam moves them so they're against the wall. The throbbing in his groin and the desire to be touching Adam all over is just too strong, so he grasps the belt loops of Adam's trousers and pulls strongly so that Adam stumbles against him.

”Oh, fuck,” Adam chokes.

The hard bulge in Adam's trousers is pulsing, pressed against Sauli's stomach. All thought of where they are is irrelevant now, and he grabs Adam's ass, pulling Adam's tall body against his. Finally touching parts of Adam that he's been careful to stay away from until now is making his brain melt.

He's kissed hard, and he rubs his own hard length against Adam's thigh to get some relief.

Through the kissing he becomes aware of an approaching clatter of high heels, coming closer and closer. Adam seems to realise it, too, separating their lips with a wet sound. The clatter passes their door, going down the corridor.

Just how carried away they've got becomes clear to Sauli, but it's too late now.

”Should I lock the door?” Adam whispers, looking at him with dark eyes.

He nods, and Adam reaches with his arm until there's the sound of a lock being turned.

Sauli rolls his body against Adam, delighting in how it makes Adam's eyes flutter close. Wanting to surprise him more, and because he just _wants_ , he leans in to seal his lips over a nipple and sucks.

Adam's hands are instantly in his hair, gently holding. He can hear gasping sounds, and Adam's body keeps twitching violently, almost trying to pull back, but the way Adam is encouraging Sauli to keep his head there tells him it's feeling good.

After some time he still pulls away.

”Can I suck you?”

Adam drags a hand down his face, eyes closed for a second, but then there are like five yeses between kisses. Sauli pushes and drags Adam towards the divan, making him fall back onto it. Pharaoh runs off, jumping to lie on top of Sauli's gym bag instead and looking offended.

”I thought I was going to die during the first show,” Adam says while Sauli is kissing his stomach and opening the fastenings of his trousers. ”When you were on your knees and fucking staring at my crotch.”

”I had to,” he says, dragging Adam's trousers down to his ankles. ”You get so excited from shows. Am I helping you come down from the high?” He brushes his cheek against the bulge and looks at Adam, who's just staring at him with his mouth open.

He knows Adam is also wired from all the foreplay that's been going on for ages now, the same as Sauli. He wants to satisfy Adam's as well as his own desire, and do what he's been thinking about all the time.

He uncovers Adam's cock and looks at it.

”You're doing it again,” Adam says after a moment, when he's just been looking at it twitch every now and again.

Sauli gets to it, kissing up the length and taking it in, letting it fill his mouth.

It's different than giving head to any other guy. Adam's legs are spread wide, and Sauli wraps an arm around Adam's waist. Adam finds his other hand, entwining their fingers together. It's more intimate and meaningful because it's _Adam_ he's pleasuring.

He sucks and licks, flicking his tongue. Holding Adam's hips in place, he even keeps his mouth open and lets Adam thrust up a little bit, in and out, because the act of it is clearly driving Adam out of his mind.

It sounds like Adam is struggling to keep quiet, and it's hard for him as well, moans threatening to leave his throat from how much he can't get enough of it, and how painfully hard he is. He pulls his free hand away from behind Adam's back and slides it into his sweatpants.

”Just come, baby,” he says looking at Adam and kissing the head wetly before taking it back into his mouth.

It doesn't take long before he feels Adam's body get tense for the release. Adam's back arches off the divan, body twisting. Sauli takes it moaning, pausing to gasp in air and then wrapping his lips around the head again to catch the rest on his tongue. Adam's pleasure is beautiful to witness, the way he's squeezing Sauli's fingers so hard that it almost hurts, moaning low in his throat.

In the end Adam pulls him off the floor so that he ends up lying somewhat awkwardly on top of Adam, fingers wrapped around his own stiff length, and coming with his mouth pressed against Adam's.

”Did you just come on my costume?” Adam asks after they've stopped kissing.

They confirm that he did.

”That's hot,” Adam says.

”I'm really glad I'm the one doing your laundry.”

Even though it almost physically hurts him that he can't stay there close to Adam, he has to get up, gather the costumes and show up in the costume shop.

”This was not the best time or place to have sex in,” he says grinning.

”No, but thank you,” Adam says and kisses him. ”I want to make love to you properly.”

Maybe it's also not the best time and place to say that while he was sucking Adam's dick, he was thinking how in love he is.

He should say something about his feelings before any further lovemaking, though. He's already so far gone that if he lets Adam make love to him, only for Adam to say he's figured out he _doesn't_ want a relationship... He just can't take that.

Afterwards when Sauli is going to the costume shop Adam walks with him, intending to go to Alisan's room.

He's not really even conscious of Adam's arm over his shoulder before they bump into Alisan, whose eyes flick to Adam's arm. Sauli is pretty sure she looks smug, and his cheeks heat up.

”You two are looking cute,” she says in a knowing voice while taking her phone out of her pocket.

They don't have time to reply, because Alisan lets out a scream.

”Oh, my God. I've been pinged!”

She starts crying and laughing at the same time.

Sauli feels Adam's arm slide off his shoulder. He glances at Adam, noticing a serious look on his face.

He knows what Adam is thinking. Any time the same could happen to Sauli.

 


	4. Chapter 4

Sauli, Adam and Charl are listening to Alisan explain everything the next day. She's sitting there with her hands wrapped around a mug of tea, eyes shining as she talks.

She's been exchanging messages with her soulmate, who is a guy, around her age and single. He's coming to the show that night.

He'd seen Alisan and her soulmark a while ago in an advertisement for JC Superstar, but he didn't have the guts to come forth right away. Apparently he'd feared Alisan would be disappointed in him, and the feeling grew stronger the longer he delayed. Eventually he'd gathered enough courage to find Alisan on Match.com and ping her there. The reason he hadn't searched before was that he'd been dating someone else.

”He's been so silly,” she says. ”Of course I am a little grumpy that he's let me wait, but he's my soulmate. I know we'll understand each other.”

”I'm sure things will work out between you two,” Charl says. ”But I say this with the wisdom of someone who's been united for years: you can't expect everything to work without making any effort just because he's your soulmate.”

”I know, I know! I'm not naïve, but I have a good feeling.”

”It really is special,” Charl says smiling.

Once they're left alone, Adam turns to Sauli.

”I'm so happy for her! She deserves this.”

He hugs Adam for a long time, Adam resting his head on Sauli's shoulder, brushing his bearded chin back and forth against Sauli's t-shirt and skin. It feels nice.

In the evening they spot Alisan with a tall guy with braided hair, who introduces himself as Justin. There's a small blue triangle on his cheek, exactly like Alisan's. They keep looking at each other and smiling.

”It feels like everything has fallen into place now,” Alisan says.

Sauli doesn't quite know what to feel. Obviously happiness for Alisan, but it makes him confused about his own situation.

He doesn't want to pressure Adam into making any decisions about their relationship before Adam is ready, but he wishes they would start seeing each other outside of work. That's why it's nice when the next day Adam asks him if he'd like to go get something to eat before the show.

He can take only an hour for a dinner break, but Adam says it's fine. They go to a vegetarian restaurant, which is more than okay to Sauli because he loves vegetarian food, even if he does eat meat. Adam eats only a light meal since it's not very long until the show.

”It was cute seeing them together, Alisan and Justin,” Adam says. ”Matching soulmarks.”

There's something Sauli has been meaning to ask, and now feels like a good time since Adam has brought the subject up. While being out at dinner might not be the ideal place, for some reason it feels better than Adam's changing room. Less claustrophobic.

”Can I ask you something about your soulmark? Not to see it, and you don't have to answer.”

Adam finishes chewing slowly and takes a drink of water.

”Okay.”

”You clearly like to keep it private, which is easy to understand, but is that because you don't like your soulmark, or because it's important to you?” He hopes he's not annoying Adam with his question. It's not really his business what Adam thinks about his own soulmark.

”It's really complicated,” Adam says after a sigh, looking elsewhere and rubbing his head, fingers buried in fluffy hair. He's wearing the gloves, as usual, so by now Sauli is quite certain the soulmark is located on Adam's hand.

Adam takes so long to continue that Sauli is starting to think Adam is going to leave it at that.

”I don't want strangers to see it, because it feels so private. It's something that's mine, _just_ mine in this world, you know? If I let fans see it, there's gonna be a hundred people with tattoos like it, and that would be horrible. Maybe I wouldn't mind it if there was someone out there with the real version, but there isn't.”

Right. People do that with tattoos sometimes, and that's why if you're a celebrity you definitely want to agree to meet the person who's pinged you in a public place, and to touch their soulmark before believing anything.

After Sauli's accident doctors and parents had suggested a tattoo replica for him, but he'd never considered it seriously. Somehow the thought is just offensive. It wouldn't be the same.

”I get that,” Sauli says. ”Seeing fake copies of something that belongs to you and the person you lost would be terrible.”

”Yeah. But it's not like no one has ever seen it, of course people have. Friends and family, people I can trust. Some lovers. It's just, I don't keep showing it to them either anymore, because it's such a reminder of my loss. I started hiding it when people always got a sad look in their eyes. I don't want everyone to feel sorry for me.”

It's understandable that it gets tiresome, but it must be also hard not to feel sorry and show it.

”And then there's the private reason,” Adam continues. ”I have a complicated relationship to it, because it's a constant reminder for me, too. I love my soulmark, but it hurts so much sometimes.”

It hurts _him_ to hear that. Adam is the sweetest, kindest person and doesn't deserve to be left without something wonderful that other people get to have. Of course Sauli has known that it's a painful subject even without Adam saying it. Besides, he's listened to Adam's discography. So many songs are outright about longing for a soulmate. He just didn't know if Adam had grown to hate his soulmark for all it represents.

”I can understand. My soulmark is complicated as well. Are you not curious about mine? You've never said anything.”

Adam is silent for a while again.

”I don't know. It's a part of you, so of course that makes it important, but... I don't mind not having seen it yet. I'm sorry. I'm—I'm jealous. I'm so jealous.” Adam's words are heavy with emotion, and Sauli moves his leg under the table so that it touches Adam's. ”It's an undeniable proof that you belong with someone else.”

”You'll never see it on my skin,” he says.

Adam stares at him.

”I don't have one. I don't really talk about it, but the accident I've mentioned... I had injuries all over the place, surgeries and skin transfers. So unfortunately my soulmark went with it.”

Adam makes such a pained, sympathetic face.

”Shit. I had no idea. I'm sorry. How...”

”I have photos, so I'm registered,” Sauli says. ”I just have no choice but to trust that my soulmate will believe I'm telling the truth.”

”I'm so sorry. That must be so hard. It's such an essential part of you.” After a moment Adam chuckles. ”So, it's not easy for either of us.”

Even though the subject is hard, it feels good to talk about this kind of stuff with Adam.

The connection he has with Adam feels so strong that it's difficult to imagine how finding his soulmate could top that. Of course, he can't say it to Adam.

\---

Alisan and Justin decide to celebrate finding each other by inviting cast members and friends to eat out. They continue the evening from a restaurant to a bar.

Sauli ends up drinking too much. It's partly because it's been a while since he's been drinking, but also because he's feeling incredibly tired all of a sudden. It drives him to drink more to keep his energy level up. He's having fun, though, but by the time his muddled brain realises he's had too much, it's already too late. As much as he tries, he can't make sense of his surroundings or keep his balance. Plus he's feeling kind of ill, shivering like he's getting a cold.

It's a struggle to stay upright when he's coming back from the toilet. And where's Adam? He's even lost Adam now. Adam could probably make him warm. He must find Adam. He stumbles along, trying not to bump into people.

A tall guy with dark brown hair? No, not him.

Over there, in a white shirt. He heads there with determination, and touches Adam's arm when he reaches him.

”Adam?”

Woah. Suddenly his knees buckle, and the next thing he knows Adam is holding him and lowering him onto an armchair.

It makes him giggle.

Adam is saying something, but the music is loud and everything goes over his head.

Adam looks worried, and Sauli smiles at him.

”I'm okay,” he tries to say.

He looks as Adam's face comes closer. Then Adam takes his glove off, and the back of Adam's hand is touching Sauli's forehead, feeling cool against his hot skin.

”You're burning up,” Adam is saying.

Sauli's first try is useless, but then he manages to grab Adam's hand and drag it closer.

”There you are," he says giggling and kisses the soulmark on Adam's skin, which spells _oofta_ in black letters. So funny.

Adam is saying something about him being sick and needing to leave.

He kisses the soulmark again, but Adam is pulling his hand away.

”Noo, you can't go now that I found you,” he whines.

"I'm just going to make sure there's a cab outside,” Adam says. ”I'll tell Alisan to look after you.”

Everything goes black.

\---

He wakes up in a soft bed next to sleeping Pharaoh. After listening to a deep silence for a while, he comes to the conclusion that he's alone in Adam's apartment. There's a glass of water, a couple of pill bottles and a note on the bedside table.

In the note Adam writes that he's left to do an interview, and he's slept on the couch because Sauli seems to have a fever and Adam can't risk getting sick.

Fuck. He hopes that's the only reason.

He has no memory of the last part of the evening. They were in a bar, and there were tequila shots, but after that... Everything hurts, though. His throat is sore, his head is pounding, and the nausea is terrible. He's wearing a t-shirt and shorts he doesn't recognise, which makes him wonder if he managed to put them on himself or if Adam had to dress him.

The note also says that if Sauli is really sick he should take the day off. They can manage the show somehow.

For a while he luxuriates in the sheets that smell very good, but the nausea forces him to go to the bathroom. If it was just the hangover, he would drag himself to work, but the chills and sore throat indicate a cold. He can't make Adam sick.

The note doesn't say when Adam is coming back, but because he's feeling so embarrassed about Adam apparently having had to drag him away from the bar to his apartment, he doesn't want to stay there to bother Adam any longer. Besides, he should leave if he's really sick with something that Adam can catch.

He makes the bed, dresses in his own clothes and takes the nightwear with him to be washed. After kissing Pharaoh plenty he leaves and takes the subway back to his own apartment, letting Karen and Adam know he won't be coming to work that day.

Adam calls him in the evening.

”Are you okay? How are you feeling?”

”I'm better now,” he says. ”No fever, but I still have a headache. I'm sorry about last night.”

”Aww, don't worry about it. I'm glad to hear you're better. You were really drunk, though, so I can imagine you had a killer hangover.”

”I don't remember anything after we started drinking tequila,” he confesses.

”I'm not surprised, you looked really out of it. You were like, all incoherent.”

”Did I throw up at your place?” he asks, wincing.

”Yep,” Adam says in a cheerful voice.

”Fuck, I'm sorry.”

”Don't worry. You were begging me to come to bed, and even after throwing up you were very hard to resist. Especially 'cause I wasn't sober either. You were describing some _interesting things_ you'd like to do,” Adam says kind of breathlessly.

It's not surprising he's been begging for Adam to come to bed, but it is a little embarrassing to hear. He can imagine how drunk he must have been, probably saying everything he'd like to do with Adam without any filter.

Adam tells him to stay home if he's sick, but the next morning he feels completely fine, so he returns to work.

”Thank God you're back,” Karen says. ”The replacement was a bit of a mess. She didn't notice one of Adam's costumes was torn, and Adam was almost late to the stage when they were trying to make a temporary fix.”

In the end Sauli just checks that the temporary stitching holds and decides to sew it properly after the show. It will give him something to do with his hands if he's really nervous about talking to Adam. Which he intends to do that night.

Somehow Adam is looking especially gorgeous, although Sauli can't really pinpoint what exactly makes him look like that.

”Are you okay now? Can I kiss you?” Adam asks when he comes in with Pharaoh.

Sauli opens his arms and gets kissed with slow kisses that say he's been missed.

During the intermission Adam is humming something, like he usually does, and it feels kind of wrong to start a serious talk. He needs to know, though.

”Can we talk after the show?” he asks. ”About us.”

”Yeah. I guess we should,” Adam says. He sits down on the divan, and Sauli moves so that he can place his socked feet on Adam's lap.

”What are you thinking?”

”Many things,” Adam says and starts stroking Sauli's legs. ”I guess I'm trying to decide whether it's a good idea to date you...”

”I want you to decide that it is. I'd like to see you outside of work.”

”I don't know if I can do it casually with you and then watch you leave with your soulmate,” Adam says, looking mostly at Sauli's legs and only glancing into his eyes. ”I feel like I could become dangerously crazy about you if I let myself, and once you leave... There would be nothing left.”

It makes his heart beat fast. It sounds like Adam is trying to talk about his feelings as if they're hypothetical, but if that's what Adam is afraid of... Doesn't it mean he already is dangerously crazy about Sauli?

No one should hurt Adam like that, though.

”What if I don't want to find my soulmate anymore?” he asks quietly.

”Don't be silly,” Adam says startled, looking at him. ”Of course you want to. They're your soulmate. You're supposed to feel like—like you're finally _home_ when you meet them. I don't want to deprive you of that. I need you to be happy.” Adam's voice is wavering.

In an instant he's hugging Adam.

”I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you all upset now, we were supposed to talk after the show.”

Adam laughs a bit.

”That's okay. These kind of emotions are good for the show, I can use them in my performance. I actually need to go now. I'll see you soon.”

They don't talk during the changes, but Sauli presses soft kisses on Adam's cheeks. Afterwards, though, when Adam has taken a quick shower, Sauli returns to the subject while taking out tools to start repairing costumes.

"Well, so what if I find my soulmate? It doesn't have to mean anything."

"Yeah, but you're going to want to be with that person,” Adam says toweling his hair. ”You're going to be drawn to each other. It's gonna feel like you two were made for each other.”

He knows all of that, it's what everyone says, but...

”It could turn out to be a woman,” he argues. ”Or a guy, but I'm just not interested in that way. What if it's a teenager?”

”That's so rare, though. To have a big age gap with your soulmate. I think the question is, do I want to risk it? The chances are much higher of your soulmate being a guy. You're going to fall in love, and much more likely in a romantic and not platonic way."

Adam sits down next to him and starts scratching Pharaoh.

”This is why I've told myself not to fall for anyone... Because I knew it would be complicated,” Adam says with a heavy sigh. ”I know what I just said, but I don't think I can let you go. So I'm not saying no yet.”

”I want you to be my boyfriend,” Sauli says.

Adam looks at him with eyes that are so wide and trusting.

”Maybe we can try it for as long as we can,” Adam says softly. ”Until you find your soulmate. One day you'll meet them or get pinged. Just like Alisan.”

”I won't if I never check my account.”

”But you'll get an alert,” Adam points out.

”I've turned them off,” he says and looks back at his sewing task, embarrassed.

”When? Why?!”

”Some time ago. I don't know, I... I got scared.”

”So you could have been pinged, and you don't even know?” Adam's gently admonishing voice makes Sauli's cheeks hot. ”Baby, you gotta look. It's your _soulmate_. The person you need. The one who needs you. If you've been pinged and you've let them wait... You're gonna blame yourself later.”

”You check it, then,” he snaps, the emotion making him lash out. ”If you're so interested.”

He keeps sewing, and Adam is quiet for a moment.

”I don't have the app.”

”My phone is on the table,” Sauli says, trying to sound calmer and apologising. ”It's open and I'm supposed to be logged in.”

He hears Adam get up and walk to the table, but seconds tick by and Adam doesn't say anything.

”Have I been pinged?" he eventually asks, because Adam is really taking his time.

”No.”

It makes him breathe a little sigh of relief.

He's aware of Adam walking back and sitting behind him. Then arms wrap around him, pulling him tight against Adam's chest. He's completely enveloped in Adam's arms, and with a loud, trembling intake of breath, Adam starts sobbing.

They're heavy, heaving sobs, the kinds that shake Adam's entire body and Sauli's along with it.

He tries to turn in the embrace, but there's no escaping from Adam's iron grip, at least not without hurting him.

” _Have_ I been pinged?” he asks, completely alarmed.

”No,” Adam sobs.

He's not sure if he's ever cried like that himself, or heard anyone cry like that before. Adam is shaking like a leaf against Sauli's back. It's heartbreaking to hear Adam's voice make those sounds.

He tries to turn around again, uselessly.

”Adam, baby—”

The sobbing just intensifies again.

Pharaoh looks like he doesn't know what to do either, going back and forth between Adam and Sauli, scrambling over Sauli's lap and making a mess, sewing thread now caught in his feet.

”Sshh, Adam,” he says quietly.

Adam is now gasping and sniffing against his shoulder.

”Take my glove off,” Adam whispers in a broken voice.

Glove. A single one. There's a strange buzzing noise in his head, but he grabs Adam's right arm, and Adam lets it relax and lie on Sauli's lap.

After opening a button on the wrist, Sauli pulls the leather glove off.

”Oh.”

He traces the familiar black letters with his finger, feeling the texture. Somehow it's not surprising to see the word there.

”You don't remember seeing that before?" Adam asks, voice all wobbly.

"On you? No," he says.

”When you were drunk, before you passed out for the first time, you saw it and you said—you said, 'there you are'. I didn't get it.”

Sauli lifts Adam's hand to kiss the soulmark.

”You did that, too. I cried on the couch that night. It was just too much.”

He turns a little to look at Adam.

Adam's eyes are all red, his face wet with tears and snot. He looks like the dearest person on this earth.

”I don't understand,” Adam croaks. ”How is this possible? I felt it, it was so clear. I was fourteen, in the middle of rehearsals. It came out of nowhere, the worst feeling in the world. I was hysterical. I knew what it was, and everyone agreed.”

Sauli takes out a small piece of cloth from his tool belt and wipes Adam's face with it.

”You're three years older than me, right? I think that's when I was in the car accident. My heart did stop for a little while...”

”You said it was a _bit_ of an accident! Your heart stopped?!” Adam almost shouts, making Pharaoh let out the tiniest yap.

”Yes,” he says grinning a little.

Adam closes his eyes briefly and curses heavily.

”I'm okay now,” Sauli says. ”I'm here.” 

Surely this can't be the first time something like this has happened, but maybe they're both just really dumb for not having pieced everything together.

”We're so stupid,” he says, smiling and stroking Adam's cheek. His soulmate. With the pretty freckled lips and long lashes. Sauli should have trusted his own heart. It's been so obvious, but at the same time, how should he have known that someone this amazing could be his own?

”We're fucking morons,” Adam says. ”I've never questioned the loss of my soulmate, not seriously. Maybe I had some fantasies when I was younger.”

”And I didn't even realise you were so young when it happened. I guess I'd kind of pictured you as an adult, losing your soulmate.”

Sauli's smile turns serious.

”I'm sorry that you can't see mine,” he says.

”Are you insane? I don't care about seeing it. I care that I get to love you,” Adam says, and it's pretty much all he needs to hear, so he pulls Adam's face towards his.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lately my fics have ended in crying. :( Maybe I should have abandoned my tradition with Queen related titles and called this one ”A puppy, some kissing and crying”.


End file.
